Improve Your Relationship
The ground breaking work of Gary Chapman has influenced many in understanding and expressing their love for one another.
I will be compiling below information I have gathered from various sources to help you discover simple and practical ways to communicate your love to your partner and have it received with the best results for your relationship.
Most of us grow up learning the language of our parents, which becomes our native tongue. Later we may learn additional languages, but usually with much more effort. In the area of love, it is similar. Your emotional love language and that of your partner may be as different as French from English – no matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your partner only understands French, you’ll never understand how to love each other.
Usually couples have different primary love languages. We tend to speak our primary love language and become confused when our partner doesn’t understand what we’re communicating. Once you identify and learn to speak your beloved’s primary love language, you’ll have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving relationship.
First Determine Your Own Love Language
Discover your own love language by asking yourself these questions:
~ How do I express love to others?
~ What do I complain about the most?
~ What do I request most often?
Speaking in your spouse’s love language probably won’t be natural for you. Dr. Chapman says, “We’re not talking comfort. We’re talking love. Love is something we do for someone else. So often couples love one another but they aren’t connecting. They are sincere, but sincerity isn’t enough.” When we make the effort to speak in our partner’s language, they hear your love and appreciate the relationship more. Speaking your partner’s language is very likely the single most important thing you can do to deepen, strengthen and make your relationship more intimate and satisfying.
Words of Affirmation
When “words of affirmation” is your love language, you thrive when receiving verbal appreciation. Verbal compliments or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love for you.
All of us have areas in which we feel insecure. At times, wee lack confidence, which often holds us back from realizing and manifesting our potential in life. A little encouragement goes a long way and can help you cross mountains.
By sharing our needs with a kind request, we’re giving guidance and offering our partner the opportunity to enhance the quality of our life.
If “words of appreciation” is your partner’s love language: Set a goal to give your beloved a different compliment each day for a month.
Quality Time
When “quality time” is your primary love language, then receiving someone’s undivided attention will go straight to your heart.
Having your partner being right here, right now with you. Sharing your thoughts and feelings while maintaining eye contact. Simply being together for some time, focusing on one another.
If this is your partner’s love language: Ask your partner for a list of four activities that he’d enjoy doing with you. Make plans to do one of them each week for the next month.
Gifts
Gifts don’t have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love, especially when “gifts” is your primary love language.
The perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are special.
Gifts come in all sizes, shapes and colors. Handmade or store bought the gesture of the gift is a symbol of your love.
If this is your partner’s love language: Keep a “gift idea” notebook. Every time you hear your partner say, “I really like that,” write it down. Select gifts you feel comfortable purchasing, making or finding, and don’t wait for a special occasion. Becoming a proficient gift giver is an easy language to learn.
Acts of Service
When “acts of service” is your primary love language, anything that your partner does to ease the burden of your responsibilities will speak volumes.
Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity.
These acts of service, like vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, planting a garden, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.
If this is your partner’s love language: What one act of service has your beloved asked of you consistently? This is your clue to serve as a lover.
Physical Touch
Holding hands, kissing, hugging and making love are all essential to you if that’s your primary love language, helping you feel secure in your partner’s love.
If this is your partner’s love language: While eating together let your knee or foot drift over and touch your partner. Stroke your beloved’s back, hold hands, or make sure you kiss your partner any time you leave the house.
Fading Hormonal Rush and Empty Love Tanks
After the first or second year of a committed relationship, when the initial “tingle” is starting to fade, many couples find that their “love tanks” are empty.
Dr. Chapman recommends that you have a “Tank Check” 3 nights a week for 3 weeks.
Ask one another “How is your love tank tonight?” If, on a scale from zero to ten, it is less than 10, then ask “What can I do to help fill it?” Then do it to the best of your ability.
“The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” by Dr Gary D Chapman
You can take the test on the 5 love languages website to discover your love language
